Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
What did Shamu write on his valentine?
I whale love you forever.
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
What did the pig say to his girlfriend?
Don’t go bacon my heart.
Why do Christmas lights know the best restaurants in town?
They’re always going out.
What kind of landscape gives the best compliments?
Plateaus, they’re good at flattery.
Do chemistry majors make good boyfriends?
Who is a chicken’s favorite musician?
How do dogs make sandwiches?
Why do Russian nesting dolls brag so much?
They’re full of themselves.
Why are fungi always invited on road trips?
They don’t take up mush room.
How should you tell someone their milk is expiring?
With a spoiler alert.
What happens when you go on a date with a root vegetable?
Your heart beets fast.
Why can’t you sell a shoe to a bear?
They prefer bear feet.
Why do frogs always work at hotels?
They make good bellhops.
What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
What kind of shorts do clouds have on under their clothes?
What’s the scariest kind of beverage?
Why are pastries so stupid?
They donut know anything.
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
What sea creatures are the best at algebra?
What kind of bee rises from he dead?
Why don’t spiders leave the house?
They can do everything on the web.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was two tired.
What sound does a chicken’s phone make?
What did one fish text to the other fish?
Let minnow when you get there.
What do you call someone who sees an Apple store get robbed?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He never lands.
What is a whale’s favorite food?
Fish and ships.
What do you say when you find the perfect font?
You’re just my type!
Why are pickles so chill?
Whatever happens, they dill with it.
What do you call an alligator wearing a sleeveless top?
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain bagel.
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why does Mcdonald’s always seem so fun?
Time fries while you’re there.
Why do bullets have so much trouble paying their bills?
They’re always getting fired.
Where do hamburgers dance?
A meat ball.
Why are Italian desserts so loyal?
They cannoli be happy with you.
Why do bears always travel in packs?
They can’t bear to be alone.
Why are skeletons lonely?
They have no body.
Why shouldn’t you become a vegetarian?
It’s a missed steak.
What did the paper say to the pencil?
You’ve got a really good point.
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad parents?
They’re always playing flavorites.
Why do lollipops always fall for scams?
Why are ice cream cones so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Why was Tiger staring in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
What kind of fruit is a crook?
What kind of fruit is the most helpful?
How do birds say hello?
How do you organize a space party?
How does a cactus apologize?
“Sorry I was such a prick.”
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Where do cows go on a first date?
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
Why do you always want a laundry detergent on your side?
They help you turn the tide.
Why does the female reproductive system belong in the theater?
The ovary acts.
Why don’t trains ever choke?
They chew chew.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
What do you call a dog with magic powers?
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
He was a fun guy.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for school?
Why did the shovel seek help for his friend?
He was looking pail.
What do you call a dinosaur car accident?
Why don’t teddy bears eat dessert?
They’re always stuffed.
What kind of music is scary for balloons?
What did the flour say to the milk and eggs?
Why don’t traffic lights want anyone to look at them?
What is an alcoholic’s favorite book?
What do you call a giant animal no one cares about?
Why can no one sleep at the cemetery?
Too much coffin.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
How does a light bulb start a rap song?
Can I get a watt watt.
How can you tell if a toilet is sick?
It looks flushed.
Why are cats always optimists?
They know how to stay pawsitive.
Why do I always fall in love with people who order Dominos for me?
They have a pizza my heart.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
She felt crummy.
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife sleep?
Because of his coffin.
How do you make holy water?
Take regular water and boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a classy sea creature?
What do you call it when cheese goes #2?
What did the grilled cheese say to the frying pan?
You make me melt.
Why should you never tell a joke to a window?
It might crack up.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
What is a dairy product like as a partner?
They’re your butter half.
What do you call an indecisive bee?
What do lawyers wear to work?
What’s the most attractive beverage?
Why don’t you have to worry about chicken tenders hurting your feelings?
They couldn’t if they fried.
Why are flowers so supportive?
They be-leaf in you.
What kind of bird is sticky?
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
What did the soup write on his valentine?
You make miso happy.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hide and seek?
They’re always spotted.
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
Why are mexican restaurants usually kept secret?
No one will taco bout it.
Add your favorite cute pun in the comments!
Originally Posted by: thoughtcatalog.com