5 Reasons Cryptocurrency Is Way Dumber Than You Thought


Hey, recollect how “youve never” invested in Bitcoin in 2009 because you’d never heard of Bitcoin and didn’t genuinely care about magic internet coin? Same. And recollect how in 2017, everyone and their uncles started speak about how Bitcoin was now worth a shitillion dollars and you totally should’ve comes on the train in 2009? Same. So now “cryptocurrency” is everywhere, and scarcely anyone know how this works.( “So it’s mostly new types of digital money that any jackass can devise, and then other beings start giving it as valuable? And tons of assholes are get rich merely by trading it? Certainly ? “) Here’s what we do know: Roughly everything about it is utterly ridiculous.


Bizarre Celebrity Endorsements

The problem: “Theres” hundreds of these cryptocurrencies now, so how does a brand-new one addition credibility in a skeptical mart? The solution: luminary acceptances, child. Just ask the people behind Bitcoiin, and memorandum the additional “i, ” which stands for “I can’t feel Steven Seagal is the spokesman for this goddamned thing.”


Meanwhile, Ghostface Killah, the Wu Tang Clan’s fiscal advisor, is passing the world CREAM, except this time, the acronym expressed support for “Crypto Rules Everything Around Me.” But that’s kind of what the hell are you get when a man whose given name is “Ghostface” is toiling PR for you. Paris Hilton tweeted is supportive of LydianCoin, and then had to backpedal when the CEO was convicted of domestic artillery and assault. Likewise, their launch video looks like it was made by The Onion on an especially cynic day.

And because no one can outdo Floyd Mayweather when it comes to nasty bluster about coin, he endorsed Centra, a company that made up its CEO. The portrait on the website was a Canadian professor who had no idea what the company was. A good tip seeing any monetary possibility: If your company made up its CEO, you might want to not go in for more than a double-digit investment.


There Is A Wave Of Stupid Currencies

You presumably know about Bitcoin, possibly from an evangelist who hopped onboard only a few years ago, made a questionable extent of possibly fake money, and can’t wait to spread the good word about how out of blessing you are. But did you know that there are also about a thousand other cryptos out there, ranging from the more ordinary ones like Ripple to the comical Dogecoin, based on the unkillable meme and somehow now worth over a billion dollars? And there are even more monstrous currencies out there too, all striving for their slice of the “we just supposed we’re millionaires and it came genuine! ” pie.

BunnyToken is trying to position itself as government officials currency movements the $100 billion adult manufacture, selling its increment with a Playboy-esque rabbit theme. So are our revenues going to be multiplying like bunnies? I just ask because it’s curiou to locate your business model on the question “People are well aware that rabbits pin a lot, right? ” And for those working less interested in virtual money to spend on porn, perhaps because you need a root canal and your masturbation schedule has been disrupted due to tooth sting, there’s Dentacoin. It’s for your dentist, because why not? You likely got money, and your dentist accepts that shit, but why not use this money that’s not good for anything else instead?

Prodeum was a recent money that managed to raise $11 during its initial silver provide and then evaporated, supplanting its website with the word “penis, ” which is exactly what I would have done had I thought of it firstly. And in the same shivering vein is Useless Ethereum, a cryptocurrency that frequently tells you on its own place that it’s not worth anything and all you’re doing is giving your fund to a stranger so he can buy a Tv. In detail, the site has a loping tally of how much money people have dropped into Useless Ethereum( about $175,000 ), and in turn, how many TVs can be bought with that money

While many of these currencies seem to have no real purpose, Russian Burger King gave us Whoppercoin, which you could use to buy Russian Whoppers. Get 1,700 Whoppercoins( which works out to spending about $30 ), and you get a Whopper. For $30, you can get 7.15 American Whopper dinners, but that’s beside the point. The spot is that it’s crypto, guy! Whatever that means.


There Is Rampant( And Ridiculous) Thievery

TRIVIA TIME: Is a currency that doesn’t physically exist harder or easier to plagiarize than the sock full of districts that I unquestionably don’t keep under my plot? Refute: Waaaay easier, because that sock of one-quarters that isn’t under my bunk is simply be stolen from not under my couch, while something like $500 million in a cryptocurrency is also possible been stealing from anywhere on Earth, and was indeed been stealing from Coincheck in Japan in early 2018. It was literally the biggest heist in the history of stealing shit ever. But who attends, right? Cryptocurrency is super secure, because[ cite needed ].

That Coincheck robbery was beyond any bank crime in real life, and while Coincheck is refunding the embezzled fund, they didn’t get the actual plagiarize monies back. No one were aware that made it, and the security measures that monitored where the money vanished have since been removed, because crime-solving is hard-handed. The coin is never coming back, and seems to have mostly been funneled into the deep, dark, dirty web.

In fact, over $ 9 million per daylight goes scammed in the world of cryptocurrency. Which is a lot, right? Like, I don’t have anywhere near that much fund, so it seems like a lot to me. But it’s par for the course in this realm, until person anatomies out a course to make it harder to embezzle. But even that probably won’t stop hackers from just using your WiFi to hijack your invention when you’re sitting in Starbucks, action your machine to mine cryptocurrency for them consuming a process not even your computer fully understands.


Business Are Rebranding To Jump On The Bandwagon

Imagine if you sucked super hard-bitten at life and judged “youre supposed to” shake shit up to not suck, so you cause everyone know that you were putting suction on the back burner and changing your appoint to Artemis Bitcoin FinTech Blockpunch. Would that stir you a better person? The interview is rhetorical, because of course it would. And industries know this, which is why so many of them did almost exactly the frightening concept I just mentioned.

Consider the Long Island Iced Tea Company, a boring if not fairly straightforward word attached to a business that made the titular liquids. And then they changed their list to Long Blockchain Corp, inducing their broth importance to multiplication sixfold . They literally did nothing else. They didn’t implement any changes or discover a assortment of enchanted rubies in the cellar. They announced they were going to become a cryptocurrency business — something any small-minded beverage firm would certainly be set up to do at a moment’s observe — and that they would buy 1,000 Bitcoin mining machines, or what the layman might call “computers.”

Here’s the kicker: They never bought those machines, because you can’t hover them in casks of iced tea, and even if you are able, who attends? The stock already travelled up! Now to maintain that sweet engage movement, they say they’re going to collaborator in the future with a blockchain firm and something something profit.

SkyPeople Juice International Holding recently shook their shit up by growing Future FinTech. The busines, most famous for offsetting liquid — because as I already established, liquors and Bitcoin go together like liquids and Bitcoin — switched gears and assured a triple increase in stock premiums! But unlike Long Blockchain, Future FinTech didn’t promise to mine Bitcoin, or work with anyone who does, or actually anything of the kind. They want to get into e-commerce and stocks, which is kind of what they already do, but now with a new, hip figure. But their furnish still increased because it resonated to others like the latter are going to do something . What they do say is that they’re “a financial engineering corporation and integrated farmer of fruit-related produces, ” which maybe is how Fruit Roll-Ups were invented. That’s the supremacy of rebranding in the world of cryptocurrency.

Kodak announced plans to start their own cryptocurrency( which they’ve since pushed back) that they are able to somehow protect the works of photographers, and their furnish shot up like a rocket. There was even a company that used to clear athletics bras which decided one day to become a cryptocurrency consulting conglomerate called the Crypto Company, and they find their asset explode 57 hours over. And then the SEC shut down trading for the business, because as it turns out, people get strangely suspicious when a bra company becomes a multi-billion-dollar cryptocurrency conglomerate out of nowhere.


It Squanders A Ton Of Energy

I mentioned earlier that cryptocurrencies are “mined.” Basically, realize an invisible rich that can only be obtained utilizing lots of complicated math that requires thousands and thousands of computers. Well, because of all of those machines running around the clock, a single Bitcoin transaction has been estimated to use just as much vigor as your house will use in a few weeks.

Now, the metrics on Bitcoin waste is very difficult to pin down. Most “re coming out” one Digiconomist section that makes a lot of assumptions, but it’s likewise not outright inducing material up. Whether it’s the entire extent of energy used by Greece or Iraq in a year, it’s still taking a shit-ton of capability to start good-for-nothing whatsoever. And a lot of that is being used and are produced in China with fossil fuel, for that additional, confidential mantle of “fuck you” to everyone else.

In theory, with software progress, Bitcoin could become more vitality effective and maybe stop burning structures down, which is literally a thing that has happened more than formerly. But for now, one calculate had Bitcoin using power equivalent to what 30 1.2 -gigawatt nuclear power plant generate, the working day every day. Do you know how many times that could move Marty McFly back to 1985? Fuckin’ several .

Some are trying to mitigate the waste. Parties are setting up mining operations in the Arctic so that the overheating is less of an issue. One dude is exercising the extravagance heat from his mining PCs to grow tomatoes, while others have just decided to use it to heat their residences — and those are just regaining small amounts of the intensity that comes consumed as heat radiating from the processors.

We may go around talking about how badly baby boomers clamped over countries around the world with their SUVs and heated reserves, but at the least they didn’t blaze up several coal mines’ worth of energy on what may turn out to be an fleeting get rich quick scheme.

You’re candidly merely better off putting your fund into a literal piggy bank. It’s possibly more secure .

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